The Healing Power of Burritos

This week sucked. And not just plain old regular sucked, either. It was that didn't see it coming, pulled the rug out from under you kind of suck. Like going into your favorite restaurant and ordering a nice big plate of lobster ravioli, but then instead of that, a circus clown kills your mom.

We've all been there and we all have different coping mechanisms, the most universal of which is the mass consumption of junk food. I mean c'mon, you've earned it, haven't you? On a day like today, drowning your sorrows in an extra-large pepperoni pizza or some bacon-wrapped Oreos seems a perfectly justifiable indulgence.

But you know what happens next, don't you? Oh yes, mere nanoseconds after the last greasy gulp festoons your innards with lard, you begin to see that little "indulgence" for the Lovecraftian horror it really was. Your stomach aches. Your belt strains. You're roughly half the diameter of Orson Welles. And now, on top of the craptacular week you've just endured, you find yourself plunging headlong into an ever deepening spiral of shame.

So what can you do? Your soul is BEGGING for the soothing balm of rich, full flavors and stimulating aromas! You NEED the comfort of a decadent meal! How can this be achieved without 6,000 calories and a quart of Maalox?

The answer, dear reader, is the burrito. And, may I add, duh.

When I think decadent and comforting, I think Indian. (Stick with me. There's a burrito in here, I promise.) Indian cuisine is choc-full of rich, creamy, flavor-packed dishes that envelope the senses like a great big hug, which is exactly what you need in this scenario. What's more, Indian food doesn't rely on fat or sugar to make it delicious. It's lean meats, colorful spices, nice slow cooking and a whole lotta love. It is just about impossible to be in a bad mood when you're eating good Indian cuisine.

The bad news is that ordering prepared Indian food can be pretty expensive. And to be honest, you'll be hard-pressed to find really high quality stuff, even at $20 a plate. The good news, however, is that you can make delicious Indian food on your own, with less money and effort than you might think. And the even GOOD-er news is that Indian food makes one FANTASTIC burrito. Now let's go to the kitchen and give ourselves a pick-me-up.

Chicken Tikka Masala Burrito

Ingredients:

• 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (free range and organic!), cut into 1"x1" cubes
• 1 cup low-fat organic PLAIN yogurt (vanilla is NOT the same as plain!)
• 1 can (8 oz.) tomato sauce
• 4 big cloves of garlic, peeled and finely grated
• 1" chunk of fresh ginger, peeled and finely grated
• 2 tsp. garam masala (you can find it in your local Indian/Asian grocery, or in the international aisle at most supermarkets)
• 1/2 tsp. sweet paprika
• 1 tsp. lemon juice
• 1 tsp. tomato paste
• dash or two of ground cinnamon
• dash of turmeric

You'll also need:

• 1 cup basmati rice
• flour tortillas (or pita/flatbread of choice)
• extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 more clove of garlic, diced small
• 8" X 10" X 2" baking pan
• aluminum foil

Process:

1. In a big ol' mixing bowl, combine yogurt, garlic, ginger, masala, paprika, tomato paste, lemon juice, cinnamon, turmeric and salt. Blend together with spatula or spoon until smooth and totally integrated.
2. Add chicken chunks to the mix. Make sure they get completely coated in the sauce. Ideally, you'll want to let this marinate in the fridge for an hour or so, but it's not completely necessary.
3. Dump the whole thing into your baking pan and cover it with tin foil. Pre-heat your oven to 350. Bake for about 40 minutes, or until chicken is tender.

In the meantime:

1. Put your rice in a medium pot (or your rice cooker) with 2 cups of water. Cook until... Know what? I'm pretty sure you can all manage to cook rice. For crap's sake, just don't burn it.
2. Rent and watch "The Hangover." Seriously, it's hilarious.

Optional:

1. Heat up a large skillet on your stovetop.
2. Add just enough olive oil to lightly coat the surface of the pan. (TIP: Hot Pan + Cold Oil = Food Won't Stick!)
3. Toss in one finely diced clove of garlic and mix around with the oil.
4. Place your tortilla (or pita or flatbread) onto the skillet. Lightly fry until SLIGHTLY crispy, maybe 1 minute tops on each side. This will just give your tortilla a little bit of that garlicy naan bread flair.

Finally:

• Spoon a bit of your basmati rice onto the tortilla. Spoon a heap of your chicken tikka masala onto the rice. Wrap it up, take a bite, and let the healing begin! I recommend enjoying this meal with a glass of sauvignon blanc.

Now, I know this recipe may seem daunting because of the long-ish list of ingredients. But really, the whole process from start to finish takes less than an hour, and doesn't involve much aside from mixing stuff in a bowl and putting it in the oven; a small price to pay for a delicious, healthy meal.

But if you're REALLY just too distressed to do it yourself, I recommend guilt-tripping a friend or loved one into making it for you. Try whining and stomping your feet a lot. It's childish, but it gets the job done. And besides, after a week like this, don't you deserve to be pampered?

Happy tacoing, people. And remember: There's always something to smile about.

*EDIT: My sincerest apologies to any reader who's mom was actually killed by a clown.